The Space Between 

Rewind to October 2015… Start the clock. 

Married this guy 10.24.15. 

Spent the best week at the beach..

And then life carried on as usual. 

Birthdays came and went.. The Hurricane turned three!!

Got a new job, no more commute!!

Ready. Set…

Surprise!! Baby number two due late December. 

Heard the heartbeat at 7+3. I cried. 

11 weeks of love and bloat. I would give anything to not need to post the next photos…

6.23.16 at 13+1. No heartbeat. Perfectly developed, two days after normal appointment, the sky crashed all around us…..

And life moved on without me.. 

New ink. “The same waves that threaten to drown you are the ones that will return you to shore.”

Fall. October. Stop the clock. This time of year always makes me feel alive again and I need that more than ever.

This is me. This is love and loss and so real it hurts. This is my life.



Best Friends and Tangents

I miss my best friends.

It is so late. I should be sleeping like the rest of this household, but my mind is buzzing with activity and I cannot seem to shut it down, brand new pillow or not. I did not get to sleep in this morning and I was up late last night too. Apologies in advance because this post will likely end up unproofed and as messy as my front room this morning when the Hurricane dumped his bucket of trains and books and assorted toys e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e.

So last night, my best friend and I had our montly-ish girl night and I drank about four too many glasses of iced tea at the ever awesome downtown brewery. Best cobb salad in the city. Way too much caffeine. She was catching me up on her adventures when she felt the need to use the disclaimer that although I am her best friend, I’m not THE best friend she’s ever had. Duh, right? So funny that she even felt the need to qualify having more than one best friend because 1. We are not in high school and 2. She’s not THE best friend I’ve ever had either, which I know she knows. I do love her to death though.

So hop, skip, a few dozen tangents and twenty-four hours later.. I miss my other best friends. I sincerely believe those are my soulmates. The really BIG, important, significant people who come into your life just before you really need them and usually leave when you hardly notice you don’t as much anymore. My high school best friend who knew both me and my ex-husband. I miss that drive across town, just to hang out in her room and talk about.. I can’t even remember. I know I wasn’t her best, best friend, but that’s okay. My college best friends. We used to have everything in common and now we’ve all gone in different directions, friendships fragmented by too much distance, too much time. I miss playing Wii, all cramped in a tiny dorm room. I miss late night trips to the Fishbowl, talking about laws of attraction, our classes, life after college and spending all of our spare change on vending machine hot chocolate. The late night to early morning chats on our LAN music sharing site about literally everything, everything.

I am not the same person who was their best friend, and tonight especially I wonder if they would recognize me at all, but I do miss them. I would love a day to catch up with each of them. To get a glimpse of how things turned out for them. To let them know that I cheer them on when they come to mind. And although I know circumstances will never be the same to make us active best friends again, these people will always have a place in my heart.

Such is the nature of soulmates.


Divorce Chronicles :: Two Years Later

Dustin and I had an amazing time yesterday. We have been talking about going to Six Flags Magic Mountain for over a year now and finally made the trip. Splurged on Flash Passes for the first time ever and got to ride every coaster we wanted, most two or three times. There were a couple good […]

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Creativity Strike(s)

If you are looking for me, you can find me here.. –> <— Crocheting up a storm of awesome the past week. So ready for Fall.                  Love and light, Michelle

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Looking Glass

[[The thing about droughts is, the grass isn’t greener anywhere.]] I’m up too late again. I can feel a headache settling in for the night. Or maybe just the tension of too many thoughts demanding to be recognized before the day is done. My brain feels frantic and my body is too tired to work […]

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Love is a Verb

I am up too late, painting my nails, listening to a slow song and the rare sound of my wind chimes blowing in the warm summer breeze. It was so difficult to be an adult today. To take care of a crabby two and a half year old who talked back or fought everything, every […]

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Happy Father’s Day 2015

When I was a kid, my dad deployed or went on detachment often enough, worked long hours, hardly ever felt home. When he did get back, it was always a bit of a struggle re-adapting to having him there. It was not always ideal, but I can see more clearly now having a son of my own […]

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Pomp (and Circumstance)

I did not walk at my college graduation. Had to move out of my suite, did not feel like waiting for Sunday morning to come around just to walk all over campus in muggy, 100 degree weather. I was so burned out, finishing up a 23 unit quarter.. Besides, I had just made all of […]

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Plank it Out

Tonight I kicked my own butt at the gym, which is a thousand times better than having it kicked by life. Did my cardio warm up on the moon bouncer (aka adaptive motion trainer) and built a little circuit for myself in the empty group fitness room. It’s so nice getting lost in the challenge […]

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I mean, who knew that getting my license would be anything but positive? That it would make things more awkward at work, because change is hard. That it would make me less desirable to other vet clinics because I’m this big fancy RVT who hasn’t placed an IV catheter in three years. It has been […]

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