I’ve thought of a half dozen different ways to start this post, and I’m not sure why because the news affects myself and the sailor more than anyone in our life right now. Before the leaves even think of turning brown in the Fall, the sailor will be gone. Let me count the ways in which I hate that news. There’s Halloween, Thanksgiving, the birth of our first baby, Christmas, New Years, Valentine’s Day, St. Patricks Day, four months of our child’s life where I will effectively be single mother. We’ll be “lucky” if he’s home for our anniversary, at the very end of April next year. He’s going to miss everything, the entire holiday season, but most importantly, our little boy or little girl won’t be so little when they meet their daddy for the first time.
That absolutely tears my heart into pieces. I am angry and I feel played and deceived because just a few weeks ago, they said, “don’t worry about an August deployment. It’s going to be the end of December, just before New Years.” BUT THEY LIED TO KEEP MORALE UP before this stupid month long underway. And they told the men and women of the ship, out in the middle of the freaking ocean, where they could be little comfort to the families they left behind here. Leaving in December, I could handle. That gave me ten days past my due date on December seventeenth to hope and pray for just the tiniest bit of luck. That the baby would be semi-on time. That my husband would be the one to drive me to the hospital, that we would get through labor together, that he would cut the cord, that he would be the first to hold our child. I know I’m not the only one. I know in the next six to nine months a lot of “single-by-deployment” expectant mothers will labor and give birth to their babies alone in the same hospital as me…but that doesn’t make it okay today.
So instead of being with me, my husband is deploying into a war zone, for what I believe will play out to be Iran’s version of the cuban missile crisis. And this might be the pregnancy hormones talking, but the United States is foolish for playing the part of the world police because we are about to be in over our heads once again, putting the lives of countless sailors and soldiers at risk…. and for what? What will they accomplish really? I’m not asking about their plans or what they “hope” to do. I don’t want to hear about spreading peace and democracy, because that’s B.S.
Nothing. In the end, it’s all for nothing. The countries that hate us will still hate us. Over time allies will change. It’s why I cried as I watched the WTC being hit by planes when I was eleven years old. It’s why I’ll cry when our baby smiles for the first time over a decade later.. because he’s missing it for nothing. I love the life the military affords us to live, but some days, the cost is too high.