Like There’s No Tomorrow

A girl I know from the What To Expect pregnancy application forums, and then via a Facebook offshoot of that group, lost her baby girl last night.

She was just as pregnant as me, if not a week or two ahead of me. She didn’t know it at the time, but her little one had gotten her umbilical cord in a true knot. The mom went to the hospital for cramping and watched on monitors as her little girl’s heart rate declined. The doctors were unable to help the little girl make it through the night. It breaks my heart, thinking there’s nothing either of them did “wrong.” It brings tears to my eyes thinking that it could happen to anyone, that it’s a matter of chance. I think I was in shock for her yesterday when they didn’t know the cause of her little heart stopping. Tonight when she had a moment of strength to post the cause of death, I couldn’t hold back tears for her. We aren’t really friends, I’ve never met this angel momma, but we were all in it together. We are still in it together.

I spent the entire first trimester of this pregnancy terrified of losing this little one; that something awful might happen to our miracle. I still hold my breath through weeks where others have said they experienced a late loss. I don’t think the fear ever leaves completely and it likely becomes part of the worry of being a new parent. All I know for tonight is that my heart goes out to this new angel momma, to all the mothers of angels out there. I don’t know you, but we are all connected by something greater, and because of that my heart is deep in prayer tonight.

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