Memory in the Making

A little over twelve hours have passed since I dropped my husband off at the ship for the deployment.

I said I wouldn’t cry today, but I have a feeling that I might lose it while writing this post. My eyes have been burning all day from the tears they are holding back.

I miss him, like I would on any day that he didn’t come home for the night.. like a duty day, except I won’t be picking him up tomorrow morning, or the next day, or next week, or next month.

Next year. That’s a daunting, overwhelming idea. I have nothing better to count down to than our anniversary because it’s at the end of the month they might be home. 245 days to go. That’s a school year. That’s almost an entire pregnancy. It feels like forever tonight.

I think I’ve been in denial since the end of last week. I just can’t believe that they left. And I can’t believe that it won’t just be for six weeks like it’s been so many other times this year. I don’t know when it will hit me. I don’t think I want it to hit me. I’ll wake up tomorrow and have breakfast and send off some Etsy orders at the post office and go about my day business as usual. And hopefully before I know it it’ll be another memory.

No tears here tonight, I’m too tired to break down..

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