Something I dreamt last night made me realize that I’ve been keeping my family-in-law at arms length. It’s not a startling realization, but with their nephew/grandson due to arrive any day now, it’s worth taking note. I am a thinker, an over-analyzer and I know the reasons for the distance.
The first is that they never really liked me anyway. Sure, they said they would support “us” after our wedding, but that was only so that they wouldn’t totally lose their son/brother as he became my husband. I was smart enough to realize that, and it never bothered me when they asked to hear from him, about him, not from or about “us.”
Then there’s the secret(s) they’ve shared amongst themselves. Trying to conceive troubles and early pregnancy news and announcements we asked them to not share, with anyone. Which they took to mean to keep the news off Facebook, but discuss amongst themselves.
And then, the final blow (for me at least) was being told by my mother-in-law that if I didn’t tell my husband’s older siblings about the baby at barely 6 weeks along, that she was going to tell them that weekend. My husband was deployed, I had had bleeding scares.. we weren’t even sure the pregnancy was going to last. It was extremely rude of her, and after emailing my husband, I called his siblings and told them. They already knew.
So I keep them at arms length, but it’s not as if they try to be any closer to me, or the baby.
I was taught many important life lessons from a now, very-crazy grandmother of mine. One of the things that stands out to me the most, is to learn from the things that hurt me. When we got engaged, his family stole much of the joy we felt. At our wedding, they scowled 90% of the time; acted as if they were at a dreadfully boring church service, rather than the celebration that it was. I have pictures for proof, and I’ve shared those with them.
They can’t steal the joy of our first child. They never really wanted to share in his life so far anyway.