The thought of a second baby honestly hadn’t crossed my mind until my husband brought it up a week or so ago.. He casually asked about the desired age gap between the little man and his little brother or sister; while at the same time adding that he thought an appropriate amount of time had passed before bringing it up. It was one of those blips in his email that made me chuckle. Baby number two? He hasn’t even met number one! :) So like him to start thinking about that kind of thing now though.
I always thought two, two years apart sounded good. But having gone through the “fourth trimester” without my partner in crime, and full well knowing the Navy could take him to the other side of the world next time as well, I’ve begun to re-think that idea. Two kids still sounds good to both of us, but I’m leaning more towards 3-4 years apart now. As much as we plan and try to bend what’s meant to be into what fits our picture of a perfect life, I know God will take the lead on this one. I wasn’t expecting to get pregnant almost a year ago now. Had been told it couldn’t happen naturally, in fact. Like they say, what’s meant to be will find a way, or something like that.
The thought of a second tiny human has kept me awake in the middle of the night. Long after our current little has nursed back into dream-land, there I am, thinking of what to do differently next time. Thinking of the things I hope I remember.
I’ve thought of being “team green” and not finding out the baby’s gender until birth. Having a home, water birth… with a midwife, of course. Of waiting to name him or her until we meet him or her. To trust my body not only while in labor, but after, when it comes to breastfeeding and mommy-baby bonding. I hope I remember to enjoy the snuggles while they last, because even at a little over three months, the bumble butt really only likes to snuggle on his terms now, and those moments are so rare. To soak up every moment of cuddle time, and let the housework be. I hope I remember the day/night confusion, but not fear the sleepless nights. Most of all, I hope my husband can be there, to experience the pure joy and magic it is to hold something you helped to create, and to welcome that itty bitty person to the world. That’s our job as parents, in that moment, after all. To usher them in with as much joy and grace and love as we can muster. I have so much hope, already, while at the same time knowing I won’t be ready to go down that path for many, many, many more months.
And when the fears creep in, of wondering how I could ever love a second child as much as our first, I will remember this.. the quiet moments during nap time; the sleeping baby, so peaceful and calm and perfect.