That is enough.

I had a dream this morning. It was some time after 4am, because the little man woke again, for what felt like the dozenth time. His father wouldn’t know what that feels like, and from what I’ve heard from my mom friends, many fathers wouldn’t..

This dream was set many years in the future. It’s a semi-classic story of the divorced couple realizing they belong together (again) and getting back together. It’s happened in my family before, so it can’t be all that rare of an occurrence. But it isn’t going to happen to me. Even though we have a child together. Even though the divorce mandates that we talk weekly (ugh.) because of the little man. Even though we had a history. Even though the dream spun it all around so that I almost wanted to be an “us” again…

It’s not going to happen.

And I’m not writing this because I think it ever would… I fully believe our marriage was a sham (not that I knew that until some critical information was released from the ex-husband) but our dreams sometimes say what our unconscious mind is working on.

I’ve come a long, long way from his drunken phone call, when everything crumbled before my eyes. I can’t take back anything in the past. I can’t not marry him in the first place. I can’t unfollow him across the country twice in one year. I would never take back Elliott. But…

I can move on. For today, for this week, maybe even this year, that is enough.


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