Once a Bride

I was once a bride. It was a beautiful if not a bit windy, Southern California day. Before my son was born, it was one of the best in my life. The big ivory dress, the company of my friends and family, dancing like nobody was watching even though at times, everyone was. I was carefree. I was naive.

That was a lifetime ago though. I’ve heard from several people that you know you’re ready to move on when you’re okay being single. My dad, in his seemingly infinite wisdom says it’s when you are ready and willing to admit your faults in the failed relationship. I was hurt when he first told me that I played a part in the death of my marriage. My faults? Wasn’t I the one who had been ultimately wronged? … but of course, he was right.

The saying goes, always a bridesmaid, never a bride. My version is a bit different. I don’t know if it’s some sort of vibe that I’m putting out there (anyone want to throw their two cents in on that one?) or what, but I seem to attract people who have no intention of staying in my life long term. Temporary, fleeting, even so much as moving 1,700 miles away. For someone who used to think of themselves as pretty decent relationship material, it’s been a humbling experience being “single.”

Once a bride, now… Just a single mom who had to move home, and is trying to make the best of “ending up” exactly where I never wanted to end up. But there is no need to paint the walls black and draw the shades. Changing every expectation of how you thought your life was going to go is hard, but I’m learning. I’m not ready to openly admit my flaws, but I know what they are, and I am better for it.

Everything happens for a reason. Even this.

Especially this.

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ps. If you are in a relationship, read this article. If you do not have these things, work on them. Coming from a “failure,” they couldn’t be any more true.

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