I mean, who knew that getting my license would be anything but positive? That it would make things more awkward at work, because change is hard. That it would make me less desirable to other vet clinics because I’m this big fancy RVT who hasn’t placed an IV catheter in three years. It has been too long. I have the technical know how, I have the licensure, and I likely do have the muscle memory, but to say I would get it 100% right out of the gate… not so much. It is disheartening. It is defeating..
I am surrounded by quicksand. The harder I struggle, the more difficult it is to breathe, to escape. But to settle, to stop fighting for what is better and best feels like failure also. It feels like I will drown either way. This is, as usual, about four of five clicks too honest but that’s me. I feel like I am failing and it is a big deal, this is a big deal. I just… do not know what to do about it right now.