I did not walk at my college graduation. Had to move out of my suite, did not feel like waiting for Sunday morning to come around just to walk all over campus in muggy, 100 degree weather. I was so burned out, finishing up a 23 unit quarter.. Besides, I had just made all of my family visit for my wedding six weeks prior. I didn’t think anyone would come, and my best friends weren’t graduating with me.
It’s something I have let go, for the most part. I am not the same person now that I was then. The idea of having all those eyes on me, what to wear, who would show up at 10am on Sunday, what if no one did… Those thoughts were overwhelming, so I pushed forward.
I rushed home, so I could rush to South Carolina to be with my then-husband. Four years later…I wish I had customized the top of my cap. Wish I had a photo of my best friend and me, because me leaving changed everything. I see the photos posted from my college every commencement and I wish I had stayed. I skipped out on one of the most quintessential college experiences, in my opinion.
You could say this post was inspired by a parallel debate in my mind. The boyfriend and I are talking big things, shiny rings and our future together. I have a tendency – I am learning of myself – to feel anxious, bored, overwhelmed and rush to the next thing. To just move to the next step, next stage in life, whether I am ready or not. It’s part spontaneity, part chaos.
My license is done. Got it. Finally. And now it’s time to tackle the next big thing, one chunk at a time. I think I’m ready this time. I know this probably sounds like a bunch of incoherent rambling to some, but that’s a peek into the mind of this mom/vet tech/fitness fanatic. I’ve got at least a dozen windows open and I am running on toilet sore legs, too little sleep, not enough water, and I still need to go grocery shopping tonight so I can go to the gym first thing tomorrow..
Let’s do this,