Happy (not so) New Year

I’m not a huge fan of  New Years resolutions. They are often cliche, over and underdone at the same time, and almost never come to fruition. That being said, I do have a few particular things I would like to work on this year.

1. I will write more. That means more blogging, more time spent writing in my “letters to Elliott” journal, and more emails to my husband while he’s away. Time is moving way too fast, and I’m so sleep deprived that in a year or two or ten I fear I won’t remember any of this.. and I know I will want to remember it.

2. I will put more money into savings. I have already started doing the 52 week plan, where you put a dollar per week of the year into a savings account, working up to $52 transferred the last week of the year. Only, I’m doing that backwards. Will have a little over $1300 in the bank by the end of the year, which isn’t much, but it’s a start. 

3. I will tackle the rest of this baby weight and then some! I’m already itching to get out and exercise but I know my body isn’t ready.. At least I don’t get winded walking around Costco anymore!

4. I will love more, live more, laugh more.. all around try to remember that I am a positive person and I am capable of accomplishing more than I know and more often than not, the only one holding me back is me.

That’s all I can think of for now, on the fly, sitting on my office floor. Was just setting up an automatic payment for our water bill because that’s one of the last ones I have to physically take care of every other month and with a baby, I’d rather not leave that up to memory to get taken care of anymore.

For the few people that stumble across my blog, and the few regular readers I have, do you have any resolutions? I love the idea of them, even if they are silly.. but I also think re-inventing yourself shouldn’t be a once-a-year thing. I think the best people are always working to better themselves.

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He’s Here!!

I only have a moment to write before getting back to some serious new baby snuggles, but just wanted to let everyone who may not already know that our baby boy is here!!!

Born on December 11th at 11:51pm. Weighing 7lbs/11oz and 20 inches long. Will definitely be writing out his birth story soon! And for those wondering why I didn’t just “hold out” nine more minutes for a 12/12/12 baby, have you ever tried holding a baby in during crowing? ;) Didn’t think so.

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Four Seasons of Pregnancy

I have been pregnant for four seasons, but it feels as if I have been pregnant for a whole year.

Spring of this year, I had just found out, and was terrified of losing the baby. Summer came and went in an overheated blur. Early Fall  was probably the best time for me during this pregnancy. Too much time left to worry about the future, and the last few weeks before getting really big and uncomfortable.

Every morning I wake up now, terrified that I’m going to find a new, red and very angry looking stretch mark on my belly. I had NO new ones – aside from those I got from being severely overweight in high school – until last week. Now the old silver lines on my hips have a flame tipped look, as they stretch up and down.. and there are brand new marks on my stomach.

And I still have a week or two or three to go.

Physically, I’m the same as I’ve been for about a month now. The antibiotics I got from the ER for the bronchitis I had earlier this month worked their magic. I’m not even sure if I was lucid enough during those three-ish weeks to so much as mention I had gotten sick, let alone that the cold settled into my lungs, requiring treatment beyond benadryl and tylenol.

My sciatic nerve pain was replaced by between the shoulder blades pain, which was replaced by the pain of a “dysfunctional pelvis” (also known as pubic symphysis dysfunction), meaning the ligaments holding my pubic bone together have been trying to separate way before labor. Not exactly a good thing, but a common-enough thing which definitely makes it hard to walk some days.

I have learned the pregnancy “waddle” is definitely a limp in disguise. And while I don’t exactly feel ready to be a mom in the classic, taking care of a newborn sense, I am definitely ready to be done with this. I have my 38 week appointment today, which will no doubt be mostly pointless, beyond helping my mom remember the 15-20 minute drive to the hospital.

She’s been here a week now, and while it’s nice to have company again, I would still rather it be my husband. But I could write a whole other post about that..

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December

It feels like I have been waiting for this month all year. Not for my birthday, which is now only two weeks away, but for whatever day our little man chooses to be his birthday. The eighth sounds good to me, but that’s only because I really don’t like the idea of being pregnant much longer.

Today my Madre and I went to a Christmas tree farm with my friend and her husband. Spent an hour searching for the “perfect” Christmas tree. Would have been even more fun had it not started pouring on us half way through the search. That’s Washington for you though.. weather forecast of rain showers and rain all week. I still don’t know the difference between showers and plain rain..

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3D Ultrasound :: 30 Weeks

 

This was my favorite picture from today’s ultrasound. Baby boy was surprisingly head down, with his butt way up in my ribs on the right side, and feet hanging out on the left, sometimes coming close to kicking himself in the face. The technician traced his body for me, and mentioned that he’s already long for having about 10 weeks more to grow. He’s not a thumb sucker, thankfully, but I did see him yawn twice and gum his bottom lip a little bit. He is actually “chewing” on it in this picture. For the most part though, he was sleeping and even refused to respond when poked at a bit.

I really can’t say who he looks like.. My husband has more of a “swoop” to his nose, and I have relatively thin lips whereas my hubby’s are more full. Baby boy’s seem to be somewhere in between from what I could tell. And he IS still a boy, unless little girls also grow balls. Didn’t get a “money shot” per say, but saw enough to be convinced that blues and greens are the way to go. The tech also said he most likely will not be born bald, as he could see the “golden halo” of hair around his head during the 2D part of the session.

I’m so much more excited for him to get here now!! Seeing him and knowing that there’s a real baby growing in there, makes all the back pain and sleepless nights making a dozen trips to the bathroom so worth it.

Here today, but gone..

We are all struggling. The Stennis wives, fiances and girlfriends. Maybe even other family members.

They’re leaving again. Here today, gone… some time soon, very soon. It’s easy to point out the stages of grief while scanning the various support groups for the women of the ship. Most are in denial. A few are angry and even less than those have no idea what is about to hit them.

Eight months is a long time. Half way parties are being planned for December, but I’ll be having a different sort of celebration. Welcoming a son to the world with the help of my mom, while his daddy is half a world away, literally. I’m not nervous about that, but the fear idea of holding “down the fort” up until that point has started to sink in. It started when my husband began the final project he would complete here this year; fixing up our laundry room by stacking the washer and dryer. Seems like such a simple thing, but when you realize after that all projects fall on you, it’s overwhelming.

What if something breaks? What if something goes wrong? I don’t even want to think about it now. I know what’s coming on the grand scheme of things but no one can prepare you for the day to day ins and outs of deployed life as the one left at home.

Next week when the ship pulls out for the final time this year a different sort of story will begin. Another one to tell our baby boy before he falls asleep, once he is no longer kicking my bladder, that is.

I Promise

Since finding out we’ll be having a boy a little over a day ago, I’ve had a dozen or so thoughts running through my mind!

A boy. Like the cute little kid playing hide and seek over the table with us at dinner tonight. Like my nephews.. only, mine. Dreams of barbies, ballet slippers, and sharing movies like The Little Mermaid and Thumbelina went flying out the window and have been replaced with cars, baseball bats or soccer goals and I don’t even know what else! So this will be a work in progress of things I promise my son, because I grew up with two sisters and wasn’t very close to my older male cousins.

I promise not to force you into sports, but I promise to make you try, at least once.

I promise to support your dreams, whatever they may be.

I promise to make you keep your room clean, to have manners, and to be polite.

I promise to be proud of you.

I promise to be nice to your girlfriends so you don’t feel the need to run away from your dad and me.

I promise to lovingly accept your wife, and really try to get to know her, without being too pushy.

I promise to dress you in all sorts of adorable baby clothes, before you get too old to think duckies and stars are “girly.”

And I promise to love you unconditionally, for who you are, while at the same time hoping your daddy and I get things *right* enough that you turn out okay!!

Snips & Snails & Puppy Dog Tails

We’re having a BOY!! I’m sitting here feel him kick and I can hardly believe it.

The anatomy ultrasound went great. Our little man  is measuring in at 20w1d (one day ahead according to me and a day behind according to them since my hospital due date is the 15th). He’s weighing in at 12 ounces, in the 45% percentile which is great! Hoping for a 6-7 pound baby in December! Bones, muscles, heart, everything looked awesome. I couldn’t have asked for more!

Well maybe that he wasn’t being such a stubborn sleepy baby! He was literally curled up into such a tight ball on the LEFT side only (you could see the lump on my belly).. His butt was down on my bladder with the feet and head towards the left, so in frank breech position today. Not worried about that at all. He has plenty of time to flip around. Not that he was doing any of that during the ultrasound. We saw him put his hands up by his face and lay his head down on the placenta and go back to sleep any time we tried to bother him.

The ultrasound tech had me drinking tons of powerade and jumping around and doing anything to get him to move so she could measure his spine AND find out the gender. We had the hardest time getting the shot between the legs. When he finally wasn’t too cramped up on the left side the cord was right there. So I got to dance around some more and THEN she finally caught it! The “little turtle” as she called it. hahaha. I couldn’t believe it. I started crying and saying “no way! are you sure? you’re sure? it’s a boy??!” I was SO convinced we were having a girl. Biggest shock of my life so far. And I was so thrilled at the same time because we’ve wanted a boy all along.

We weren’t going to but we already told everyone!! So it’s public knowledge. The only thing up in the air now is HIS name… but that’s not really the “big deal” tonight!

I’m exhausted and so, so happy tonight.

Like There’s No Tomorrow

A girl I know from the What To Expect pregnancy application forums, and then via a Facebook offshoot of that group, lost her baby girl last night.

She was just as pregnant as me, if not a week or two ahead of me. She didn’t know it at the time, but her little one had gotten her umbilical cord in a true knot. The mom went to the hospital for cramping and watched on monitors as her little girl’s heart rate declined. The doctors were unable to help the little girl make it through the night. It breaks my heart, thinking there’s nothing either of them did “wrong.” It brings tears to my eyes thinking that it could happen to anyone, that it’s a matter of chance. I think I was in shock for her yesterday when they didn’t know the cause of her little heart stopping. Tonight when she had a moment of strength to post the cause of death, I couldn’t hold back tears for her. We aren’t really friends, I’ve never met this angel momma, but we were all in it together. We are still in it together.

I spent the entire first trimester of this pregnancy terrified of losing this little one; that something awful might happen to our miracle. I still hold my breath through weeks where others have said they experienced a late loss. I don’t think the fear ever leaves completely and it likely becomes part of the worry of being a new parent. All I know for tonight is that my heart goes out to this new angel momma, to all the mothers of angels out there. I don’t know you, but we are all connected by something greater, and because of that my heart is deep in prayer tonight.