8 Weeks Later

Tomorrow the little man will be eight weeks old. During tonight’s snuggle session I had a chance to look at the photos taken during his birth. I uploaded them when I got the disk from my doula, but I wasn’t ready to look at them before.. Something about that night was too raw to face any sooner than now; perhaps that my husband is missing from the pictures, or knowing I was far from my ideal weight at that time.

But it was more than that. I wasn’t ready to experience those moments from someone else’s eyes, for the fear that it wasn’t everything I remembered it to be. That somehow it had only been magical in my mind.

I held my breath, and I saw me becoming a mom. The concentration it took, the pain I can recall but can’t really remember. The ugly cry face I knew I was making but couldn’t stop…and then the look of pure love, staring down at this new and perfect, tiny human. I’m thankful those memories were captured for me.

And although I am far from having “baby fever” I can see why moms are willing to go through labor again and again. For those first moments when you are able to hold your whole world in your arms.
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A New Resolution

Disclaimer :: this post regards breastfeeding…for those that might find that a too TMI topic :)

I have recently (as of three days ago) stumbled into a new way of seeing the world.. A world minus ice cream and cheese and anything dairy.

Months ago I said that breastfeeding for at least the first year was really important to me. Formula is too expensive, I’m a stay at home mom and it has great health benefits for both me and baby. I didn’t realize at that time that meeting the goal to exclusively breastfeed for a year would mean giving up so much.

When my little man started showing signs of tummy troubles, my initial thought was reflux. It was right at the four week mark when that usually shows up. He started spitting up after every nursing. He started screaming half an hour to an hour after nursing.. Started “urping” and choking and always had acid smelling breath. Started comfort nursing for hours a day. All of his symptoms were telling of reflux and medication helped, for a few days.

And then the meds stopped working so well, and both his pediatrician and my lactation consultant said it was time to cut out dairy. I would be lying if I told you that didn’t make my heart sink a little. I’m a girl who loves cheese and yogurt and ice cream.. And I’ve already cut out all tomato products, BBQ sauce, citrus products and most of the veggies I enjoy for the sake of breastfeeding.

So I cleared my pantry of anything containing dairy in even the most minute form, and was surprised to find I only had pasta, beans and few cans of tomato soup (that I can’t eat anyway) left. My refrigerator was an even more depressing sight.. I gave most of the unopened food to a friend, so I didn’t have to waste much. And then it was time to go shopping to fill all that space!

Reading labels is exhausting with a baby in tow, and while most moms who need to go diary free for the sake of breastfeeding are comforted by this only being a temporary way of living, it will likely be a permanent change for me. Even though most babies grow out of a diary sensitivity by three or six months, my husband is also allergic to dairy and there’s no growing out of that.

So… it’s important for me to have a successful breastfeeding relationship for the health of our son; and it’s important for me to be able to stock our pantry and fridge with foods that make my husband feel at home, when he is home… and it may just be my way of seeing the world, but that means a whole new way of eating for me.

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ps. I also unintentionally gave up soda since the day after our son was born.. So that’s good, I guess. haha. :)

One Month Old

ElliottOneMonth1Hey Baby Bee,

You are a whole month old today. We made it through our first night alone together, and I didn’t get a wink of sleep. Held your little hands during newborn screening tests, and felt you melt into my chest after they poked and prodded you. Was the moment I felt like your mom.

After we got home, we made it through the worst of your day/night confusion, which I still claim no one warned me about. So many sleepless nights (for me) when you were so new, and refused to be put down in your bassinet. Lots and lots of scrunchy, munchy newborn snuggles. When my chest was your only home; the only place you felt safe. It feels like just yesterday..

My birthday came and went in a sleep-deprived blur. Christmas too, except the vivid memory of you hating your Christmas outfit and screaming when I tried to take your picture under the lights of the tree. “Elliott’s tree,” as grandma called it when she showed you the lights.

Trips to the grocery store and other stores would be a whole lot easier if you didn’t hate your carseat so much, but I know it’s just because you want to be close. Which is why I bought a baby k’tan and moby wrap and ergo baby carrier. You are a babywearing fan, and it amuses me to see the funny looks I get while “wearing” you.. As if putting a carseat on top of a shopping cart makes more sense.

We slept right through the ball dropping on New Years, but I promise you got plenty of kisses to make up for that one. On your cheeks and forehead and tiny little nose.  I smiled at you when you woke up on the first day of a new year and told you that was the year you’ll get to meet your daddy.. And you let out your “crocodile” cry in response. (The one that means I don’t care what you’re doing, you have five seconds to pick me up before I start screaming.) That day will matter to you when it gets here, even if you’re still too young to understand now.

Baby bootcamp, as my momma friends call it, helped you learn to be okay in your bassinet and okay in your cosleeper… Not all the time, but enough for me to eat dinner or start some laundry. Tummy time is something you still aren’t sure of, but you’re pretty good at it, and rolled over from tummy to back at just three weeks old. Grandma says it won’t be long before you’re rolling front to back either. You went from absolutely hating bath time, to loving it. But you still hate getting nakie for diaper changes, that is for sure, and you protest by trying to pee on me every chance you get! I’m getting better at predicting that now, but that’s not to say I haven’t had to change my clothes a few times..

You really have changed so much in a month. Grew a few inches, put on a couple pounds. Your hair grew longer, eyelashes doubled in length, and your eyebrows finally started showing a little color. You sleep on your own sometimes swaddled in a blanket or your woombie, and you’re getting better at recognizing mine and grandma’s voices mid screaming fit. I’ve learned your hungry cry, just woke up alone cry, middle of your sleep cry, and carseat cry, which quicky escalates into what we call your velociraptor cry.. You have quite the set of lungs, something you have reminded me since the moment you were born.

You are so loved my little bumble butt. They always say, to the moon and back, but that isn’t far enough..

Love,

Mom

 

Happy (not so) New Year

I’m not a huge fan of  New Years resolutions. They are often cliche, over and underdone at the same time, and almost never come to fruition. That being said, I do have a few particular things I would like to work on this year.

1. I will write more. That means more blogging, more time spent writing in my “letters to Elliott” journal, and more emails to my husband while he’s away. Time is moving way too fast, and I’m so sleep deprived that in a year or two or ten I fear I won’t remember any of this.. and I know I will want to remember it.

2. I will put more money into savings. I have already started doing the 52 week plan, where you put a dollar per week of the year into a savings account, working up to $52 transferred the last week of the year. Only, I’m doing that backwards. Will have a little over $1300 in the bank by the end of the year, which isn’t much, but it’s a start. 

3. I will tackle the rest of this baby weight and then some! I’m already itching to get out and exercise but I know my body isn’t ready.. At least I don’t get winded walking around Costco anymore!

4. I will love more, live more, laugh more.. all around try to remember that I am a positive person and I am capable of accomplishing more than I know and more often than not, the only one holding me back is me.

That’s all I can think of for now, on the fly, sitting on my office floor. Was just setting up an automatic payment for our water bill because that’s one of the last ones I have to physically take care of every other month and with a baby, I’d rather not leave that up to memory to get taken care of anymore.

For the few people that stumble across my blog, and the few regular readers I have, do you have any resolutions? I love the idea of them, even if they are silly.. but I also think re-inventing yourself shouldn’t be a once-a-year thing. I think the best people are always working to better themselves.

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He’s Here!!

I only have a moment to write before getting back to some serious new baby snuggles, but just wanted to let everyone who may not already know that our baby boy is here!!!

Born on December 11th at 11:51pm. Weighing 7lbs/11oz and 20 inches long. Will definitely be writing out his birth story soon! And for those wondering why I didn’t just “hold out” nine more minutes for a 12/12/12 baby, have you ever tried holding a baby in during crowing? ;) Didn’t think so.

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Four Seasons of Pregnancy

I have been pregnant for four seasons, but it feels as if I have been pregnant for a whole year.

Spring of this year, I had just found out, and was terrified of losing the baby. Summer came and went in an overheated blur. Early Fall  was probably the best time for me during this pregnancy. Too much time left to worry about the future, and the last few weeks before getting really big and uncomfortable.

Every morning I wake up now, terrified that I’m going to find a new, red and very angry looking stretch mark on my belly. I had NO new ones – aside from those I got from being severely overweight in high school – until last week. Now the old silver lines on my hips have a flame tipped look, as they stretch up and down.. and there are brand new marks on my stomach.

And I still have a week or two or three to go.

Physically, I’m the same as I’ve been for about a month now. The antibiotics I got from the ER for the bronchitis I had earlier this month worked their magic. I’m not even sure if I was lucid enough during those three-ish weeks to so much as mention I had gotten sick, let alone that the cold settled into my lungs, requiring treatment beyond benadryl and tylenol.

My sciatic nerve pain was replaced by between the shoulder blades pain, which was replaced by the pain of a “dysfunctional pelvis” (also known as pubic symphysis dysfunction), meaning the ligaments holding my pubic bone together have been trying to separate way before labor. Not exactly a good thing, but a common-enough thing which definitely makes it hard to walk some days.

I have learned the pregnancy “waddle” is definitely a limp in disguise. And while I don’t exactly feel ready to be a mom in the classic, taking care of a newborn sense, I am definitely ready to be done with this. I have my 38 week appointment today, which will no doubt be mostly pointless, beyond helping my mom remember the 15-20 minute drive to the hospital.

She’s been here a week now, and while it’s nice to have company again, I would still rather it be my husband. But I could write a whole other post about that..

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December

It feels like I have been waiting for this month all year. Not for my birthday, which is now only two weeks away, but for whatever day our little man chooses to be his birthday. The eighth sounds good to me, but that’s only because I really don’t like the idea of being pregnant much longer.

Today my Madre and I went to a Christmas tree farm with my friend and her husband. Spent an hour searching for the “perfect” Christmas tree. Would have been even more fun had it not started pouring on us half way through the search. That’s Washington for you though.. weather forecast of rain showers and rain all week. I still don’t know the difference between showers and plain rain..

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