Impasse

I’ve been feeling out of sorts for a few weeks now. In a way, it’s just now sinking in where I am, and that I am nowhere near where I thought I would be. Certainly not about to turn 25, here. Not a single mom. Not spending all day at work, away from my son. Not, not… not.

I took a few weeks away from blogging, aside from Elliott’s eleven month old post (which will one day end up in his baby book), because I did not know what to say. I am at an impasse… Doing the best I can with what I have, but that does not always feel like enough. Not by my standards at least.

So I’m here, kinda. I think of small, somewhat trivial things I could write about, but rarely find the time to do so between work and the little man turning into fang face all of a sudden. I’ll try harder, because writing helps me decompress and sort out all the blurry little details of life moving at warp speed and simultaneously crawling by..

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Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. – Samuel Beckett

Remind Me

I’ve got a husband at work and a baby dreaming in his carseat at my feet. Day one of dropping the sailor off at work, complete. In hindsight, getting a second car before having a baby would have been nice.. but it is no way a necessity.

My Mom always said I got my “get up and go” from my Dad. Sure enough, when the bumble butt started fussing to eat at 4:30am, I was pretty much ready to leave the house thirty minutes after. It is a simple attribute that I heavily relied on during my college years, and will likely need the next few weeks as well.

So remind me, in a few days or a week or so, when my eyes are bleary from lack of sleep (and a wonky sleep schedule at that), that I sort of enjoy early mornings. That the sun rising over a mountain range can be a beautiful thing, and that it’s much easier to navigate the city when there are only a few dozen cars on the road. To be thankful for the small amount of time I have my husband’s attention each morning; to be able to talk about all those random dream-thoughts, future plans and what not.

I am sure at some point I will be too tired to remember the good.

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November

My newsfeed on Facebook is buzzing with comments about this month. How is it November already, where has this year gone, they wonder.. Almost a dozen comments. And I’m over here like, it’s only November.

Does make me hope that some sort of nesting instinct kicks in soon. I met with my Doula earlier this week, and not even discussing my birth plan, in detail, made me realize that our baby boy will be here soon. Six weeks and some change is still plenty of time, right? I only have about half of my baby themed to-do list to go..

I have a basically untouched registry to complete, other things to buy, shelves to put up behind the changing table, a giant bunch of baby clothes to fold, hang or otherwise organize..

Today, however, is a slow day. I am enjoying the sun coming through the windows while it lasts and working on crocheted hats for a West Virginia Mountaineer fan. I better get to work on my list of things to do though, because it is November already, after all.